My Heavy Battle

From a young age, my mother has always been obsessed with weight and appearance. She will do anything to ensure she stays young and thin – the same rules applied to her daughters. Anytime there was an inkling of weight gain, she would go on a super health kick and ramp up activities. For us, this would normally be nightly walks. We were never allowed to have fast food, never drank soft drink until we were almost in our teens (our neighbours snuck it to us whenever we were there without her knowing). Looking back, I guess I had an eating disorder at a young age without realising it, I was very skinny between the ages of six to nine.

Since being diagnosed with PCOS, my weight has skyrocketed, and it is rather depressing. What’s worse, is when you have family members who always pick on your weight and make you feel a million times worse.

Towards the end of high school, I weighed only 43kg, I was tiny, I ate like a horse, but never put on any weight. It was bizarre, but I wasn’t complaining! Then in year 12, I decided to eat healthier and then the weight started to pile on.

Within three years, I had put on 10kgs. I then went on the pill to make my period regular, that was the main reason, but also, I had been with my high school boyfriend now for a few years so wanted to ensure at the time I didn’t fall pregnant. Once I went on the pill, my weight went insane, and before I knew it, I was up to 95kg. Yes, from 43kg to 95kg in a few short years. I wasn’t eating unhealthy, I had the occasional take out, but I was still fairly active, but the weight kept gaining.

What possibly made it worse was the fact that my parents kept putting me down about it, they aren’t overly tactful and say it in a hurtful way. For example, just recently I had a family member tell me that my husband will end up having an affair and leave me because of my weight. Gee, thanks for that one!

I have tried, and failed, over the years to lose weight, but throw in the chronic fatigue and it is an absolute bitch. By the time you get home from work, all you want to do is go to bed and sleep. I am exhausted. Mentally exhausted. Probably doesn’t help that I hate my job with a burning passion and want to walk out and quit every single day either…

My most successful bout of weight loss was prior to our wedding. I was getting personal training sessions each fortnight while the hubby was at the golf course, and going to the gym about 3 nights a week. Also, I cut out gluten and sugar. Completely stopped sugar, and minimised gluten as much as humanly possible.  I dropped two dress sizes within a month, I felt great. Then, the month before the wedding, it began to get crazy again (as I was working full time as well as studying full time) and I put some of that weight back on L That was two years ago now and since then I have had multiple burst ovarian cysts which have set me back (and I have ended up in hospital) and caught a nasty parasite on my honeymoon in Bali which I am only just now starting to really get over.

I have tried and failed with exercise and diet programs over the past two years, attempted boot camp but halfway through the first session ruptured a cyst – guess it was too many star jumps and crunches – and end up screwing my clean eating on around day 4 or 5.

My most recent success was at the start of this year, re-attempting the Ashy Bines Booty Challenge (every attempt before this ended by the first week). I had some time off of work so was able to get up, go for a Fat Burning Walk for about 30-45 minutes each day, followed by some exercises and a healthy breakfast. I was feeling amazing. I drank nothing but water, was eating super clean and within 4 days I had dropped 5kgs. I was, for the first time in two years, below 90kgs!

Then, I had to go and break my toe!

This has been a MAJOR step back for me, as I have been unable to do anything, up until this week, as the pain in my little toe was so bad. And it was over the stupidest thing – I turned on the shower, realised I didn’t have a towel, ran out to go grab one and ran full pelt in to the door frame. Yes, absolutely dumb! I never had a broken bone until then, only a dead bone in one of my toes which has also caused me grief over the years. I have now started to walk as much as possible, weaning myself back in to it, but not overly pushing it as I don’t want it to be aggravated and set me right back. It’ll be slow, but I will get there. My goal is to get back down to around the 60-65kg mark and see how I go once I am there. My ideal would be around the 55kg mark (as I am pretty damn short) and hopefully wear shorts one day soon.

Recent years: My weight progression from 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2015